Friday, December 11, 2009

Fast-Growing Christian Churches Crushed in China

LINFEN, China — Towering eight stories over wheat fields, the Golden Lamp Church was built to serve nearly 50,000 worshippers in the gritty heart of China's coal country.

But that was before hundreds of police and hired thugs descended on the mega-church, smashing doors and windows, seizing Bibles and sending dozens of worshippers to hospitals with serious injuries, members and activists say

Today, the church's co-pastors are in jail. The gates to the church complex in the northern province of Shanxi are locked and a police armored personnel vehicle sits outside.

The closure of what may be China's first mega-church is the most visible sign that the communist government is determined to rein in the rapid spread of Christianity, with a crackdown in recent months that church leaders call the harshest in years.

Authorities describe the actions against churches as stemming from land disputes, but the congregations under attack are among the most successful in China's growing "house church" movement, which rejects the state-controlled church in favor of liturgical independence and a more passionate, evangelical outlook.

While the Chinese constitution guarantees freedom of religion, Christians are required to worship in churches run by state-controlled organizations: The Three-Self Patriotic Movement for Protestants and the Chinese Patriotic Catholic Association for Roman Catholics.

But more and more Chinese are opting to choose their own churches, despite them being technically illegal and subject to police harassment. Christians worshipping in China's independent churches are believed to number upwards of 60 million, compared to about 20 million who worship in the state church, according to numbers provided by scholars and church activists.

House churches have been around for decades, but their growth has accelerated in recent decades, producing larger and larger congregations that are far more conspicuous than the small groups of friends and neighbors that used to worship in private homes, giving the movement its name.

Their expansion and growing influence has deeply unsettled China's rulers, always suspicious of any independent social group that could challenge communist authority. Fears that Tibetan Buddhism and Islam promote separatism among Tibetans and Uighurs also drive restrictions on those religions.

"They are so afraid of rallying points developing for gathering of elements of civil society," said Daniel Bays, who follows Chinese Christianity at Calvin College, a religious school in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

While house churches have faced varying degrees of repression depending on the region and political climate, the latest crackdown appears to specifically target the largest congregations.

Authorities want to dismantle large churches "before they grow out of total control," said Bob Fu, a former Communist Party researcher in Beijing who now heads the China Aid Association, a Texas-based church monitoring group.

At least two other large churches have recently faced similar crackdowns.

In Beijing in October, authorities locked parishioners of Shouwang house church out of the space they had rented to worship in. In Shanghai, the Wangbang congregation faced a similar lockout. Both congregations had grown to more than 1,000 members.

Shouwang and Wangbang church leaders have not been detained, but activists fear further arrests are coming.

In a brief phone conversation, Wangbang's pastor Cui Quan said worship continued in small groups while he fought to have their lease restored. He declined to give other details.

Christianity was long associated with foreign interference in traditionally Buddhist and Taoist China, and came under heavy attack after the 1949 Communist revolution.

The most onerous restrictions were lifted after the death of communist leader Mao Zedong in 1976. Although Christians still account for a less than 10 percent of China's 1.3 billion people, recent years have seen rapid growth in house churches in both cities and rural areas,

Adding to official concerns about their numbers, house-church Christians also emphasize missionary work — illegal in China — and some have even operated an underground network to help smuggle North Korean refugees and Uighurs out of China in defiance of the security forces.

The Golden Lamp Church was built by husband and wife evangelists Wang Xiaoguang and Yang Rongli as a permanent home for their followers, whose numbers had soared to more than 50,000.

The couple, administrators at the provincial teachers' college, had been preaching in the region around the city of Linfen since 1992, establishing a network of three dozen communities meeting in improvised spaces such as factory dormitories and greenhouses. They also attracted thousands to tent revival meetings.

According to Bob Fu, Shanxi authorities grumbled as the church was being built last year, but did not try to stop work and offered few, if any, signs that an impending crackdown.

On a rainy Sunday in mid-September, some 400 police officers and hired thugs descended on more than a dozen church properties around Linfen, smashing doors and windows and hauling off computers, Bibles, and church funds, according to accounts posted online by church members and their allies.

Those accounts said worshippers who resisted were beaten, with dozens hospitalized with serious injuries.

Wang, Yang, and three other church leaders were convicted on Nov. 25 on charges including illegally occupying agricultural land and assembling a crowd to disrupt traffic. Yang, 51, received a seven-year sentence, while Wang, 56, and the others received terms of three to four years. Five others were sentenced without trial to two years in a labor camp.

Other church leaders have gone into hiding.

Courts, police and government officials in Linfen refused to comment on the claims of violence and persecution. A local Communist Party spokesman said only that the case centered on the mega-church's lack of planning approval.

"We have always supported and allowed everybody to believe in religion. But the church itself is an illegally constructed building," said the spokesman, who would give only his surname, Wang.

A lawyer for Wang and Yang, Li Fangping, said the church had applied for permits to build the church from the local religious affairs bureau and the land use authority, but received no reply.

Almost three months after the crackdown, people in and around Linfen refuse to discuss the church, and police vehicles remain parked on virtually every corner of the neighborhood where the Golden Lamp is located.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

蜗居

刚上大学,我们怀着憧憬看了《奋斗》; 当我们踟躇的时候,我们看了《我的青春谁作主》;就当我们即将豁然开朗的时候,一部《蜗居》把我们全部拍死了;绝望中,我们看了《2012》,顿时淡定了:还买什么房子啊,早晚都要塌的……

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Love

Love is not an attitude towards a specific person or thing, but enjoys everything He gives and loves~

Monday, November 16, 2009

China blocks unregistered church service again


BEIJING — Followers of an unapproved church in Beijing were again forced by the government to find a new place to worship Sunday, a move one analyst suggested would be a test for President Barack Obama on religious freedom during his first visit to the country.

Worship in China, governed by the officially atheist Communist Party, is allowed only in state-approved churches, but millions of people belong to unregistered churches that often face official harassment.

Sunday's banishment was the latest for the Shouwang church, one of the largest underground churches in China with about 800 members. It was forced to hold services in a park earlier this month after being kicked out of a rented indoor area. Photos and a video posted on the church's Web site, which was later blocked, showed hundreds of members gathered, holding snow-flecked umbrellas and Bibles.

On Sunday, police blocked church members again from meeting at the park, and hundreds ended up at a performance hall elsewhere in the city.

District police referred questions to the Beijing public security bureau, where calls rang unanswered Sunday. Calls to the State Religious Affairs Bureau also went unanswered.

Another well-known underground church in Shanghai, Wanbang, also has been told to close.

Harassing the two prominent unregistered churches is likely to intimidate other smaller churches. Members of the Beijing church said Sunday they have never experienced such harassment from authorities before.

Obama, who was to arrive in Shanghai later Sunday, will be closely watched during his visit for signs he will speak out on human rights, including religious freedom. Leaders of churches like Shouwang said if Obama doesn't speak up, the Chinese government will crack down even more.

"Sometimes before a major U.S. visit, Chinese authorities show goodwill and release someone. But this time, it's the opposite," said Yang Fenggang, director of the Center on Religion and Chinese Society at Purdue University. "I tend to think this is a test case."

Activists and others in China say the U.S. may not want to risk angering China when it needs cooperation on issues such as climate change and the financial crisis.

"I think so far President Obama has been the worst president in terms of dealing with China's human rights issue," said Fan Yafeng, an outspoken leader of another unregistered, or "house," church in Beijing.

He said the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences fired him Nov. 3 as a research fellow at its Institute of Legal Studies for political reasons, including his church activities.

"Human rights lawyers and house churches are two of the most important powers in China's civil society, but the president hasn't made any gesture to help them," Fan said.

Obama touched briefly on human rights and China in a major Asia policy speech in Japan on Saturday, but he did not mention specific issues.

The Obama administration's stance has worried many since February, when Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said the U.S. would not let human rights concerns interfere with cooperation with Beijing on global crises.

"The Obama administration's total silence on this issue was seen as a green light and certainly emboldens the Chinese government's resolve to carry out this sweep without worrying about international consequences," Bob Fu, founder of the U.S.-based Christian group China Aid Association, said in an e-mail Saturday.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

John Piper

Group picture with Pastor John Piper.
Posted by Picasa

Monday, November 9, 2009

斗牛or斗人?

今天看了《斗牛》,在美国看的第一部电影。谈不上多好看,但是很佩服导演和编剧敢拿这些题材出来拍。一个台湾朋友说电影拍的很惨,可是看完了跟集结 号比一下,这哪里算惨啊,拍的环境还没我去过的一些地方穷。个人感觉日本人在电影里面就是个衬托。日本人已经很无道了,把全村人杀光填埋,把人头挂在村 口。但比起中国人自相残杀,为了活命残害恩人,为了享受背信弃义相比,这压根就算不得什么。还有那可怜的黄渤,为了一纸无聊的契约出生入死,历经磨难,倾 其一生换来的不过就是一个手印。在天朝的历史中,个人就是被政权忽悠来忽悠去的工具,别真把自己当成个人。当最后发现自己所珍爱的,所持守的突然变得毫无 意义的时候,他发现生活还是要继续,可是,他还能为什么而活?

我不想讲劣根性,大家都知道的东西没什么好争的,只是嘴里承不承认而已。我想 说的是,中国人在几千年和自然竞争和外族竞争得过程中,能存活下来,要是没有那么点劣根性,没有那么点小聪明,才奇怪!当规矩,当和谐被打破对大家都有利 时,什么伦理规范, 什么淑贤美德,不过就是一块蒙在屁股上的遮羞布,只要能卖钱,一个个的争相往下扯。所谓不破不立,中国人成天说自己文明延续不绝,可那延续的真是文明吗? 早该破掉的东西却被一次次的政权更替不断地坚固,为了维护统治,我们的老祖宗慢工出细活,几千年下来给我们雕琢出了一大笔宝贵的精神遗产。为了得到自己的 利益,我们何时把人当作人看过?看看那些飞扬跋扈的官员吧,“老子就是自己的神”,顺我者昌,逆我者亡,盖得住的时候,享受生活,盖不住的时候,同归于 尽。生活毫无盼望,内心丧尽天良。为了掩盖自己的虚伪,恐惧,嫉妒,不断地想要扩张自己的权利,先是和同僚斗,再是和大众斗。毛泽东主席的那句“人民内部 矛盾”用的实在是恰如其分啊。别以为你不为官就是有义了,无非换成了与兄弟姐妹,父母,夫妻,同事相斗而已。为了生活,我们终日劳苦,还不得喜乐。看看美 国人,每天也忙,可是回到家就享受和家人一起的天伦之乐,这个中的原因何在?根源在神!

真正的和谐社会只有在神的掌权之下才可能实现,我们现在所谓的无神论,无非是把自己立成了神,绝大多数社会问题的根结就在这里,很可惜,我们若还是这样硬着脖子,非要看到一刀砍下去流出来的血的时候才悔改,那所受的,不会比所多玛蛾摩拉好受。

不要与我争论,于自己的心争论。

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Thinkpad partition summary

刚买来的T400,lenovo分了三个驱,一个220G,一个9G,一个1G,后两个是用来备份文件的。对于我这种想要安装双系统的人而言,这根本就无法忍受,但是有不舍得扔掉lenovo自带的软件,所以就四处打听如何才能分驱又不丢数据。我着实被黄磊师兄的经历吓到了,所以先买了十几张cd把系统完整的备了份,之后才敢分驱。其实给thinkpad分驱比我想象的要容易的多,实际上我也只是下载了一个partition management,这个是free software,所以在美国的童鞋们不用担心版权啦。分驱的就是傻瓜式,唯一需要注意的是不要动那个神圣的恢复盘。我已经做过小白鼠了,这种方式和软件很安全,但是为了保护数据建议分驱前还是先备份。

Monday, September 28, 2009

Lord, please give me a heart to pursuit you simply like a child

Thanks for letting me know Matt. He has some disability in walking but still you adopt him as your son and heal his soul. And I really could see his child-like heart towards you. Thank you for giving him a heart to evangelize your Gospel to Muslim and bless me thru his behavior. I am totally attracted by him, not his appearance, but the purity and bright heart in him. In the scripture you said, whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. I pray that you are the only one I adore and the only purpose of my life.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

我的心,你在为何忧虑?What consumes you, my heart?

主题经文:约翰福音2章13-17节
“我為你的殿心裡焦急,如同火燒。”
Zeal for your house will consume me. John 2:13-17

This week, the fellowship in our apartment shared these verses. Chris asked a very valuable question which is does the zeal for his house consume you? At that time, I didn't really think it's a really big question since I didn't think it's important to answer that.
However everything changed on Wednesday morning. When I got off the bus at the downtown, I just saw a very old man who sat in his chair, could not speak and even grip things in his hands. But what in his right hand is New Testament, what in his eyes is love from God and zealous for His kingdom. I just passed by with a smile and appeared like nothing happened. But my heart felt deeply ashamed. I asked myself, am I younger than him? Am I more vigorous than him? Am I healthier than him? Am I more influential than him? All the answers are YES. I am so blessed to be here in Iowa City, so blessed to have awesome roommates, so blessed that I basically face no problem in another culture. What did I do to obtain all of these? Nothing but those which can put me into hell for millions of times. So just because of His grace. He loves me so much that even I don't love him and try to hide from him for many times, He still helps me, forgives me and heals me from the suffer. How wonderful my God is! I usually start my prayer with dear Father, but do I really treat my Father in the way I should or even do I think He is dear to me? If I do, what consumes me most is kingdom. But I find out everyday those truly consumed my time are chatting, reading sports news and playing video games. I am tired of myself, no, no more life in this way. My Lord, I just pray that I have a heart zeal for your house on the earth. Give me that heart please. Lord I love you.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

my tex template

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\pagestyle{headings}
\begin{document}
\title{Template}
\author{Hao Chai}
\pagenumbering{Roman}
\maketitle
\section*{}
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\bibliographystyle{h-physrev3}
\bibliography{chai}
\end{document}

Saturday, August 29, 2009

ManUtd VS Arsenal

看完球就写了一天的作业,郁死我了都,这才有时间写篇感想。首先,我是枪迷,但我会尽量客观公正的写,有曼联球迷觉得不爽的地方请多包涵。
上次看球应该还是在北京看欧冠,还是这两个队,不过当时我厂被曼联打的毫无还手之力,输球完全正常。时隔这么久之后又看球,希望“柴指导”的敏锐还在,呵呵。
开场20分钟,曼联坐镇主场压着阿森纳,这个一点也不出乎我的意料,缺少偶像的阿森纳中场凌乱不堪,只能在反击中寻找机会。不过猛攻过后,枪手开始了反击,但曼联的凶狠依旧,这种逼抢也使得阿森纳没有办法打出自己熟悉的进攻套路,不过换言之,曼联在进攻端更是乏善可陈,两强相碰,互有损耗,在做好防守的同时寻找机会原也应该。不得不承认,曼联的球员很会犯规,枪手一规一张牌,但是曼联的无论怎么规都没事,原因除了主场之外,就是他们掌握的幅度——用小动作干扰,用身体威慑,其实大部分情况下这样的犯规都不疼不痒,裁判当然不会吹,但阻断进攻的效果却极佳。而我厂的孩子们一规就把自己像Wade一样扔在了空中,裁判不吹才怪,这就是经验的差距啊。
先说我厂,能在老特拉福德打成这样,输球也无所谓,何况是输在老奸巨猾的Giggs身上(别告诉我是鲁尼立功,那样只会让我鄙视你不懂球),整场比赛除了临近结束时Nani的射门,四个中卫没有给曼联什么好的机会,这和几个月前的欧战赛场上形成了鲜明的对比,不得不赞Vermalen和Gallas的组合。中场因为缺少了偶像,所以没有太多的亮点,但是踢得也算中规中矩,不过还是很不爽Song,带起球就把自己当杰队,但是技术,气质差了不是一个档次,他踢到极致充其量也就是那个跑去祸害米兰4:0的Flamini的水平。Arshavin的进球没的说,毕竟身价摆在那里,不过他的体能也太差了,下场前眼看着都快跑吐了,这让我不禁幻想难道他是从中超转会去的?罗宾侠发挥上佳,在前场很活跃,可惜差了点运气。Ramsey,这孩子还是先好好练练身体素质吧,那几脚传球质量显然受到了肌肉力量的影响啊,当然也可能是没有充分热身所致。值得一提的是那个打进乌龙的大宝贝Diaby,新科法国国脚确实不知道在想什么,打进了这么漂亮的一粒头球,不过在中前场他的组织和突破的确可圈可点,在禁区内的几次过人速度都不快,但是很突然,效果也很好,不过传球功底还是要多加打磨啊。令人高兴的是,球队现在打法要合理的多,所有人踢得都像一个整体中的一部分,并不依赖某个个体,这会让球队不会因为个别人的缺阵而实力大打折扣。结合前几场看到的评论,个人认为虽然今年有了曼城的搅局,但我厂今年进入前四问题不大。有人问那个什么刺呢?我的回答是,在北伦敦有两支球队,一支是U24阿森纳,还有一支是U21阿森纳。
再看看曼联吧,球队血性犹在,但是要想卫冕实在是太过困难了,面对阿森纳这条并不算绝对出色的后防线,打的没有任何亮点,高空轰炸或者边路下底传中都缺乏质量和灵气。考虑到我厂核心偶像的缺阵,曼联的中场都没有能够梳理清楚头绪,更不用说遇到同样硬朗的车子或者拥有罗比尼奥的同城死敌曼城了。倒不是说他们的中场就比阿森纳的强大,但曼联的中场实在是太过平庸。后防线由于Ferdinand的缺阵,影响是巨大的,本场比赛防守上倒没有什么漏洞,但是和之前的铜墙铁壁相比,防线质量还是下降不少。外加范德萨的缺阵,曼联还有一段苦日子要熬,不过比起中前场的问题,后场算是相当稳固了。整体而言,相较上赛季,曼联整体实力下滑明显,但是以其强大的调整能力和板凳深度,相信会再次成为联赛后半程的明星球队。
现在的英超拥有球星并不是称霸的必要条件,想拿冠军比的就是韧度和板凳深度,所以处于调整期的曼联和年轻的阿森纳都不会是联赛冠军的有力竞争者,如果车子能一直这么踢下去,我想今年他们赢得奖杯的可能性很大。曼城有可能替代状态一般的利物浦代表英超涿鹿欧战,但是足球是圆的,谁能说得清楚呢。
最后,关于Wenger最后的举动,我能说的就是funny&ridiculous. 感谢您辛苦的看完,欢迎讨论,但是要和谐!

ALPHA Seminar

Tips for Academic Success

Department of Statistics and Actuarial Science

General Advice

If you are a graduate assistant, remember: You are a student first, graduate assistant second! Sometimes it is tempting to spend lots of time preparing for a class that you are TA'ing for--it is fun and it is probably a little easier than working on your own course work. Avoid this temptation. It is important that you do a good job as a TA, but keep your priorities in order.

Understand that you are not alone in thinking that you are the only one who is having problems understanding the material. You all are talented in many different ways. Believe me, you all have enough talent and background to succeed--not many people out there ever make it to graduate school.. Keep in mind that in graduate school, being bright and/or having seen the material before is arguably not nearly as important as hard work, persistence, and curiosity. It's also about having a good attitude.

Attend Lectures and Ask Questions.

Attend lectures, always. If you absolutely must miss, make up for it by getting the notes from a fellow student. After reading the relevant sections in the textbook very carefully, rewrite these notes using your own words and ideas. For obvious reasons, it is not a good idea to simply miss class and ask the professor if you "missed anything important."

Ask lots of questions in and out of class. Faculty members enjoy seeing interest.

When visiting faculty during office hours, come prepared. Show the instructor what you have done, show her/him your relevant notes, etc. It is human nature to expend more energy on something that holds promise for the future. A faculty member will naturally spend more time on a student who is interested, hard-working, and curious to learn.

Note-Taking and Reading

Read ahead whenever possible. Read about topics from a variety of sources. Sometimes reading about a topic in a more elementary book can give you a better idea of the big picture. Ask your instructor for additional textbook recommendations.

Use post-it notes to mark important passages in the book.

Reread the text and rewrite notes as soon after lecture as possible. Incorporate material from the textbook into the rewritten notes. Clearly mark those notes that the instructor emphasized. (If rewriting is not feasible, at the very least, review, edit, fill-in, and augment your notes.)

You might choose to use only one side of the page to write your notes. The blank side could be used for additional ideas, thoughts, etc. that may come later in the course.

In addition to rewriting (or at least reviewing and editing) lecture notes, create a separate summary or outline of the main ideas. The summary might only include statements of theorems, ideas for proofs, useful techniques, etc. Consult both the lecture notes and the textbook when creating this summary.

Be alert in lecture. Record any cues from the instructor that indicate an idea/topic/technique is especially important, at least in the instructor's opinion (this very same instructor will be writing the exams).

Keep in mind that you will be rewriting (or at least reviewing and editing) your notes soon after class is over. Knowing this, and knowing what is in the textbook (because you have read ahead), will allow you to take better, and perhaps less detailed, notes in class; you will be in a position to listen more carefully to the instructor.

Studying and Doing Homework

Come up with a regular study schedule -- plan on about 3 hours per s.h. per week. Don't cram, don't procrastinate.

Many textbooks offer answers to a subset of the problems. Often homework problems that are close together physically are also conceptually related. Therefore, it makes some sense to work the problems with answers that are close to the ones that are assigned as homework.

Whenever possible, use computer simulations to check your homework solutions. If the simulation results do not align with your solution, you had better rework the homework problem. If the simulation results do align with your homework solution at least you have corroborating evidence that it is correct.

Practice reading and writing mathematical expressions using grammatically correct English. Practice explaining what the different symbols in the mathematical expressions actually represent. Practice summarizing in words (and out loud) the basic ideas of the theorems and assumptions.

Test Preparation and Test Taking

Test preparation. Look over your notes to see what the instructor emphasized; know the theorems and ideas for proofs. Practice writing out the theorems so that the technical assumptions will sink in. Go through as many problems as possible. Do not look to see what section a randomly selected problem comes from. Especially practice getting started on problems--knowing what tools/theorems/results to use is half the battle during the exam.

Study groups can be very helpful, and fun. Form a group early on. A caveat: Make sure you can independently get started on the problems--there is the danger of always taking cues from one of the members of the study group, cues that will not be available on the exam.

Test taking. Look over the entire exam first. Some students like to work through the problems from easiest to hardest. Use scratch paper so that you can hand in organized solutions.

Connecting in Grad School

Make an effort to interact with your fellow students. Form study groups. Don't be afraid to go out and talk about statistics, about ideas and concepts.

Learn about faculty research interests early on in your program. It's never too early to start thinking about research.

Become involved in the department and the profession. Join student and professional organizations. Go to colloquia and seminars.

Remember: Social connections never hurt.

Start reading journal articles early on in your grad student career.Read both articles in statistics journals, and articles in journals in other disciplines in which statistical analyses are presented. Ask instructors for ideas of journal articles that would be useful and appropriate.--Prof Cowles

Web Resources

Teaching and Learning Centers in the U.S. http://www.hofstra.edu/faculty/ctse/cte_links.cfm

AcademicTips.Org http://www.academictips.org/acad/index.html

Sites to Promote Academic Success http://www.uni.edu/walsh/linda7.html

How to Study Math, Science, and Engineering http://www.csupomona.edu/~rosenkrantz/skills2.htm

Excerpt from article about UCLA math professor, Terence Tao (full article at http://newsroom.ucla.edu/page.asp?RelNum=7252 )

What are Tao's secrets for success? Tao offered some insight.

"I don't have any magical ability," he said. "I look at a problem, and it looks something like one I've done before; I think maybe the idea that worked before will work here. Nothing's working out; then you think of a small trick that makes it a little better but still is not quite right. I play with the problem, and after a while, I figure out what's going on.

"Most people, faced with a math problem, will try to solve the problem directly," he said. "Even if they get it, they might not understand exactly what they did. Before I work out any details, I work on the strategy. Once you have a strategy, a very complicated problem can split up into a lot of mini-problems. I've never really been satisfied with just solving the problem. I want to see what happens if I make some changes; will it still work? If you experiment enough, you get a deeper understanding. After a while, when something similar comes along, you get an idea of what works and what doesn't work.

"It's not about being smart or even fast," Tao added. "It's like climbing a cliff: If you're very strong and quick and have a lot of rope, it helps, but you need to devise a good route to get up there. Doing calculations quickly and knowing a lot of facts are like a rock climber with strength, quickness and good tools. You still need a plan � that's the hard part � and you have to see the bigger picture."

08/31/2007 10:00:31 AM Joseph B. Lang

Monday, March 23, 2009

我的见证——申请出国之路

从05年底开始信主到现在,天父的慈爱和怜悯一直陪伴着我,引导我战胜各样的黑暗和恐惧,让我从失丧沉沦的状态中重新得到了喜乐而满有盼望的生命。特别是在我决定要去美国留学之后,神借着身边的人和事充充分分的向我显明祂的大能和恩典,让我无法不俯伏于祂的旨意之下。
一 第一次决定——统计or数学
时间重回到07年6月,当时我要做两个决定,一是要决定后两年的专业方向统计或者应用数学,二是要决定是否要出国留学。事实上两个问题是捆绑在一起的,如果我选择了应用数学方向,很可能我就不会出国了,因为毕竟数学博士不是什么人都可以读下来的。如果我选择了统计学方向,我差不多也选择了要出国继续读书,毕竟国内近几年对于数据分析的作用并不重视(起码官方如此),另外就是国内外的统计研究水平差距的确不小。客观的讲,我并不厌倦学数学,但是我肯定无法做到学的得心应手,但因为我们级很多成绩很好的同学都选择了数学,虚荣心和不服输的性格让我想要挑战自己,并且当时一直认为我们院的统计学非常差。反观统计学,面对的问题很多都来源于生活,往往没有可以参考的方法,这更能激起我创造的兴趣。但是我内心的好胜心让我作决定的过程变得异常艰难,在询问了很多师长、学长之后,还是无法做出最终的决定。我不得不第一次将自己的前途认认真真的放在神的手里。坦白的说,当时我和神的关系并不算很亲近,也没有那么大的信心把自己的未来交托给神,但是当我不住的为了这样的事情祷告的时候,我的内心平安了很多,我的生活也再不用因为选择A或者B而纠结痛苦。我学会了放下,让自己的心安安静静的做出选择。随着deadline的到来,我越来越清晰的看到了我内心的虚荣,也越来越坚定只有在兴趣的引导下才能在学业上取得更大的成就。于是我很自然的选择了统计学,也同时选择了开始迈上艰苦的飞跃之路。
二 预备自己的心,预备自己的道路
07年6月份做了决定后,立刻报名参加当年10月的GRE考试,4个月时间准备机考和背单词,可以说是完全不够,但是借着神的恩典,我最终的成绩比我想象的要好。也是在我考完GRE之后,我找到了我现在所在的教会。在教会里我的生命开始大踏步的前进,与神也慢慢的建立起个人化的关系,真正开始了凭着信心寻求神的生活。08年3月,是我信仰生活的一个转折点,我经过了3周的午餐禁食祷告的预备,在教会接受了洗礼。那段时间感觉自己和神非常近,觉得自己就像是水一样透明、谦卑,似乎圣灵所结的每一种果子我都能体会的到,受洗的当天也像是一场婚礼,我将与耶稣基督建立的盟约在那天公之于众,可以说那是我信主之后属灵生命最曼妙的一段日子。蒙神祝福,接下来的一个学期对我而言是个大丰收的学期,在属灵生活上,教会开始系统的分享《罗马书》,让我在信仰根基上有所建造。在专业课和英语学习上,我在准备托福考试的同时还选了6门专业课,不仅托福取得了理想的成绩,也成功的完成了专业课的学习。当然我的付出也是加倍的。在大三的暑假我参加了一个生物统计的实习,期间还去北大上课,参加一个留学的培训,那段时间忙的不亦乐乎。这段时间支持我坚持走下来的原因是如果这是神带领的,是祂所喜悦的,那我就应该全力去做,不应懈怠;如果这不是神要我走的路,那我也会因为在专业方面的进步而感恩。
三 在委身中明白神的旨意
由于之前的努力,大四上学期我的学分已经修够了,所以我所有的经历都放在了申请和团契服侍上。团契原来的同工这学期都离开了,学生们不得不负起更大的责任。感谢神能让我在服侍的过程中更亲近神,也在这个过程中变得更谦卑。开始接手团契很多工作的时候充满了新鲜感和使命感,总想要改变很多看到的问题,当然那时候我表面的动力是荣耀神,但是隐藏在内心里的却是自己的骄傲。没过多久,我就发现自己疲惫不堪,而且不仅是我,几乎所有服侍的弟兄姊妹都感到了自己的干涸。原先带领人在的时候,我们差不多一直在领受,可是还在不断地抱怨,到了真的需要我们去领受神的异象和恩典,去付出爱和时间,去主动和弟兄姊妹建立关系的时候,神让我们认识到了自己的有限,更让我认识到了我不是在凭着圣灵的大能带领团契,而是凭着自己属血气的能力来带领团契。低效的核心小组讨论,弟兄姊妹源源不断的抱怨,和个别人的不合一,对团契的方向和牧养方式的探讨和争论,让我不止一次的像摩西一样向神祷告,求神将这些我不能承受的责任和重量移去。也就是在这个时候,我明白了神说的“要废去智慧人的智慧”,曾经的我是多么爱标榜自己的责任感,可真的当责任来临的时候,我恨不得像先知以利亚一样躲在山洞里,实际上我也是这么做的。可是每次当我决定要退出服侍的时候,似乎都能听到神提醒我说现在还不是时候,于是我又极不情愿的爬出山洞。神借着主耶稣在十架上承受的各样的苦楚后,还不住的为迫害祂的人祷告的榜样,帮助我慢慢的释怀。我又重新在主爱的带领下回到弟兄姊妹的身边,重新承担起属于我的责任,开始慢慢变得谦卑,也重新开始接受从神而来的满溢的福杯。十一月份的时候,有一次特别好的机会和二十多个弟兄到市郊的一个深山里一起去退休。那时候山里寒气逼人,大部分人没有带太多的衣服,所以每天早早的就生上了火炕来取暖。感恩的是旅店老板一家也是弟兄姊妹,虽然外界环境有点艰苦,但是内心却很平安,很喜乐。这次退休之行也是特别蒙神祝福的,我们除了一起敬拜赞美神和学习神的话语外,还有很多彼此连接的时间,尤其是在最后一个晚上,我们有一起认罪祷告的时间,特别的被神祝福。差不多有两个多小时的时间,所有的弟兄在一间会议室内一起开声认罪悔改,时不时的也会有赞美。其间在场的大部分弟兄都为自己过往所犯的罪痛苦流涕,反思自己是何等的不义。后来一个带领人说这是他在中国服侍十多年来属灵的高潮,我不敢那么说,毕竟我的生命还年轻,但在被圣灵充满的时间里,我也清楚的看到了神对我的带领——走出去,承受更多的地土,再来服侍祂。这无疑是让我兴奋的,准备了那么久付出了那么多,如果还能蒙神的祝福,当然是最好的了。同时我也意识到了自己可能需要承担更大的责任,更多的委身,也可能在某个需要的时候要倾其所有的奉献全人全心。但若是主要使用我,我往哪里可以逃呢?愿那日到来的时候,我能为主舍弃。
退休归来,因为看到了神的带领,在申请的时候就更有信心,也更主动了,开始联系国内外的老师,也不住的为这样的事情来祷告。特别要感谢神的是在十二月份有一位国内的老师愿意推荐我去他在美国的一个朋友那里读书,接收方的老师在业内是一位大牛老师,不仅理论做的好,在业界也有非常好的口碑。在今年的经济危机的背景之下,这无疑是神为我打开的一扇门啊!那边的老师也非常愿意要我,但同时也告诉我他们今年的财政非常紧,他会尽全力,但是没有办法保证能给我找到奖学金。不过相比于我的那些踌躇迷惘的同学而言,我自己要安心多了。之后一直在为能去爱荷华大学祷告,希望神能在我看为不可能的事上显出自己的大能大力。
完成所有申请工作之后,回家休息调整了整整一个假期,这段时间没有去教会,和神的关系也挺远的,但是经历了非常劳碌和繁忙的一个学期后,唯一想做的事情就是和家人待在一起,好好休息一下,这段时间也确实像猪一样的被养着,天天过着无忧无虑的生活,不用担心团契的安排,不用担心留学的事情,不用担心找工作,养精蓄锐,为回学校做准备。等到结束假期,回来就参加了一个营会,营会期间接到了我实习老板的一个电话,说今年美国的经济情况非常不好,如果要出去的话,要做好自费的准备,当时特别的难过,因为假期也收到了那边老师的邮件说今年系里会非常困难。有一天早上起床后一个人向神祷告,求祂能在这件人无法控制的事上荣耀自己的名,也带领我明白祂的心意。那天多云,空气比较压抑,很像我当时的心情,我一直低着头走来走去的向神诉说自己的忧虑,当我向神承认自己的小信时,突然间我抬起了头,看到了云上的太阳,我似乎一下子明白了神的旨意,无论在人看来有多难,如果是神要成就的事,祂必成就。我感到神在对我说,这一切的忧虑无非像天上飘过的云一样,虽然有时会压得人喘不过气,但是阳光总会重新铺满大地的。那天早上之后突然就对申请结果充满了信心。可是当营会结束,重新回到校园的时候,一封封的拒信和来自同学和朋友的建议让我无法坐着等结果,开始了解找工作的一些情况,与此同时也在担心如果开始找工作的话,在团契的服侍可能也要停止了。正当我开始找工作的时候,我的第一个offer来了,是University of California - Davis的生统的项目,记得看到offer的时候是一个周一的早上,感觉就像做了一场梦一样。一夜之间所有找工作的材料都没用了,能收到offer当然是让人狂喜的一件事情,更重要的是我愿意投入我大部分的时间参与到团契的服侍中。那几天不断地感恩,心情也从之前的阴沉变得晴朗起来。可能在外人看来这段时间是特别被神祝福的,后面我会提到神借着这样一个offer如何提醒我去顺服祂的旨意。这里要补充一个细节,之前我在请求国内老师写推荐信的时候,那位老师让我做了一个承诺,就是如果我拿到了UIowa的offer,我就应该去那边,要不会让老师的信誉受损。当时真的觉得UCDavis的offer很棒,不舍得拒绝,于是我就写了一封邮件给UIowa那边的老师,问爱荷华那边会不会给我一个offer,如果经济上实在有困难的话,那就不勉强了,我去UCDavis就是了,这样至少不会食言。出乎我意料的是,UIowa那边的老师告诉我说他非常感谢我真诚的告诉了他一切,同时也告诉我我已经拿到了那边的半奖,并且可能是第一个拿到UIowa奖学金的学生。这封邮件让我非常意外,高兴之余也陷入了困难的选择之中。一个是气候好,学校和专业排名高,有师兄师姐在的UCD,另一个是导师牛,有诚意且善待学生,我也做过承诺的UIowa,我花了大概一周多时间了解和对比这两个学校的情况,气候、信仰状况、学科水平,但是我还是没有办法做出一个决定。但是在祷告的时候我似乎觉察到了我最终可能会去的是UIowa,直到我生日那天在教会里听到了长老讲诗篇61篇前,我都没有办法做出最终的决定。那天的讲道分享的是祷告的目的,长老提到了祷告的目的不是要去寻找一个A或B的答案,而是去亲近神,依靠神。他说其实无论选A还是选B都不是神所看重的,因为无论是北京,是上海还是西安,在神的眼中没有什么区别,神更看重的是我是否愿意顺服祂的旨意。长老还讲到说我们举棋不定有两种可能,一是我们掌握的信息量还不够,二是我们没有办法去明白明天会发生什么,但是神却知道,所以唯有依靠祂才能做最好的决定。我听着听着就哭了,好像突然之间我选择的结果已经不重要了,重要的是我自己是不是愿意通过这样选择的机会来亲近神和求告祂所要在我身上所成就的事。那天从教会回来特别的轻松,因为无论是A还是B,是UCD还是UIowa,重要的不是在我眼中看为重的事,乃是神眼中看为重的事,我想到了之前我一直祷告的是哪所学校,我想到了我向老师承诺的是哪所学校,于是在收到UCD的offer两周之后的那个周一早晨,我决定接受UIowa的offer。当然又过了几天,一个师兄才提醒我又重新的看了下UCD的offer,发现里面有一部分学费并没有提及,同时奖学金也没有说清包括哪些部分,当我问小秘的时候,才发现原来加州外的学生的那部分学费还是要我自己来出的,除掉税和那部分学费之外,原来的$19000的奖学金只剩下了$9000,而UIowa的奖学金却是一个实实在在的半奖,所有的学费基本免掉了,保险啊什么的也包括了,真的感叹神的大能啊,祂的意念高过我的意念,祂的道路高过我的道路!再回过头去看UCD的那个offer,我发现也不是白白的给我的,神想让我借着这个offer看清我自己所关注的是什么,到底是祂的属性还是祂的作为,当我拿到offer的时候我就愿意更多的服侍神,当我没有拿到的时候,我就想要远离神。在我看为大的,在神看来不过如一粟,在我看为重的,在神看来不过如鸿毛。神也让我看到我是多么容易被地上的产业所搅扰,让我明白祂应许之地和我信心所能承受之地差的是多么的大。神告诉我,如果现在没办法在这样的事情上单单寻求祂,舍得为祂放弃,如果我今后取得了更大的地土,更难放弃的荣誉的时候,我会更不愿意顺服,更加的远离祂。
主啊,求你怜悯我,感谢你借着各样的事情提醒我你的属性,也提醒我在各样的事情上存心顺服,在祷告时当先求你的过和你的义,祝福和恩惠便丰丰满满的加给我。孩子真的知道自己是小信的,是容易被世上各样的事情所羁绊的,求你的灵常与我同在,若是这样,我便可以刚强壮胆。你说,凡是脚掌所踏之地,你变赐给我,主啊,就求你赐给孩子信心,在各样的事上思想你十架的救恩,这样,我眼中所看重的便为小了。我愿意成为你永恒产业中的一颗棋子,我愿意顺服。感谢赞美主,祷告奉我主耶稣基督的名求,阿门!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Summary for application

艰苦的申请终于进入了尾声,一直打算写下自己一段时间来的经历和收获,正巧在某个寒冷的晚上收到BBY姐姐的电话,在台球厅,所以基本上是没有听清ltz说的东西,索性由着自己的思路挑重点写吧。其中大部分内容可能只针对于本专业的PhD,仅供交流!
背景介绍 G 400+800+3.5 T 103 (22) GPA 88.3/100 半年生统实验室实习
申请方向 Statistics/Biostatistics PhD
Part 1. 申请时间表
和很多踌躇徘徊的xdjm一样,我在07年6月艰难的做出了出国留学的决定,然后立刻报了当年的10G,虽然现在无限后悔,机考准备了1个月,背单词两个月,然后匆匆的做了几套题,就去裸考了。成绩当然很烂,但是因为再考一次相当于第一次考,所以还是省省吧。大三下学期考了托福,也差不多在那个学期修满了本科的学分,忙碌可见一般。但是后来申请时的优势也是巨大的——不用再为学分而操心,无论实习还是有目的性的蹭课,都能从容的安排出时间来。大三的暑假留京实习了两个月,主要是生物统计吧,后面会详细说实习对我申请的影响。也是那个时候开始参加BBY的,因为是intensive training,那个假期忙的可是焦头烂额啊。又是写材料,又是实习看书编程序,又是去PKU蹭课,又是看paper套磁,生活精彩而丰富。等到大四开学时,已经没有了课业压力的我就开始蹭给我写推荐信的老师的课,也在积极的联系系里的老师帮他们干活,自然而然的等到12月份的时候,推荐信也就有了分量。那段时间随着课程的积累、套磁以及field research的深入,application package也开始慢慢的丰富起来了。一遍遍的在BBY deadline的压力下更新自己的package,调整内容。当然也开始了学校的调研,因为已经了解了不少统计方向的大牛老师,查学校也是基本上以match为第一原则,然后是地理位置,因为没有感情问题的困扰,又比较早的拿到了一封powerful的personal recommendation,所以选校没有投入太多的精力。到了1月份,花了一个星期累死累活的拼了最后几个学校的package,最后一批材料寄出的当天下午就坐火车回家开始享受假期了。至于假期,当然是过着猪一般的幸福生活,完全没有做和申请有关的事情。假期时只收到一个ad,所以开学刚开始的一段时间那个焦虑啊(事实证明我的焦虑是有道理的,我们系今年申请的那个惨啊!),甚至都开始打算找工作了,不过伴随着第一个offer的来到焦虑也烟消云散,不久之后终于得到了dream offer, 然后呢,就有了本文开头时打台球的那一幕,哇咔咔,猪一般的生活。
Part 2. 申请大事记
这部分差不多是参照着我的简历来写的,同时结合了我申请的结果,整理一些个人认为最能影响申请结果的部分。
总体来讲,对于Stat/Biostat的PhD而言,教授最看重的还是研究的潜力和能力,其次才是language ability,当然学校的名声也是很重要的一点,但是对于大多数申请者而言这个是无法改变的事实,因此在此略去。能反映研究潜力的方面很多,本科生科研,发表文章,GPA,期末课程设计,research plan甚至对于学科的整体把握都能反映一个学生的研究潜力。至于language ability,因为我自己没有申请大牛校,所以觉得除了UMN有点卡GRE之外,其他学校并不能明显的感觉到因为这个拒我。下面具体谈谈可能体现研究潜力的几个方面吧。
Publications
关于这个,听原来的一些师兄师姐说,有了publication并不能说明你很优秀(当然SCI除外),因为国外的老师也是知道国内的学术界是什么样子的。但是如果别人有而你没有就算是一个短板了。毕竟如果能写上一个publication这一项,给教授的感觉是完全不同的,起码说明我在积极做着自己感兴趣的研究,能发表文章,更说明了在一定程度上被一些专业人士所认可。所以在BBY的启发下,还是挖掘了一些内容,比如帮老师翻译书等。说来还真是不解,有一篇和我实习老板合写的挺有质量的文章倒是没有发,一篇自认为很水随便一投的文章,倒是发了。(一声叹息~~~)
Research Experience
自己本科阶段做的最有成就感的一个项目是“根据网站访问量对教学过程进行评估”,但是因为和自己的future research没有什么关系最后没有出现在research experience里,这主要还是觉得不是很match,毕竟如果我只想吃草莓的话,再好的西瓜我也是不会买的,我嫌沉!留下的一定是最match,最competitive的部分。最后写的两个一个是我在实习地方写的一篇论文《重复测量数据对于比例风险模型回归系数的影响》。虽然这个问题是在十多年前研究的,但是一是国内没有人介绍过,二是实验室有数据可以验证理论。读了几篇经典的文献,其中不乏Ramond Carroll和Peto这样的统计和clinical trial的巨牛的著作。内容本身没有什么新意,但是因为是在老板的指导下做的,很能体现科研的精神,最后出了篇文章,又是生统方面的过往的热门问题,个人感觉还是挺有说服力的,拿到UCDavis的biostat的offer就是一个例证。另一个是本科毕业论文课题,是一个营养学的项目,用了一些非参检验的方法,不难,但是因为非参统计本科课程不涉及,所以也能说明我在积极的学习研究生的课程。营养学本来也归于public health下面的一部分,感觉做过这样的项目对一些生统的院系挺有吸引力的。这两段经历基本上是为申请biostatistics准备的,所以无论是问题还是处理方法都比较实际,没什么太理论的,感觉对于申请统计有影响,但是帮助不大吧。
Work Experience
和Research Experience一样,这一部分还是为了强调我对于生统的了解和热爱 :-). 毕竟实习的地方是在division of biometrics, 也就是之前说的写那篇论文的地方。感觉上这一段经历对于我申请生统帮助是巨大的。首先,在那里实习了半年,拿到了老板亲自改了的推荐信,让我深刻的体会到了写推荐信的语气和出现什么样子的内容最合适。其次实习期间完成了一份临床试验统计报告,虽然只是Phase I的,但是对于大部分applicant而言,压根就不知道临床报告是什么,能完成这样的报告意味着从数据管理到统计分析以及SAS使用等一系列实际操作我都比较熟悉,国外老板当然喜欢来了就能干活的人。第三就是在那边读了很多生统的书和文章,内容包括了临床试验设计啊,生存分析啊,这些对于后面套磁和写ps都巨有帮助。最后一点就是我们老板也算是国内这一领域里面的顶级专家之一了,所以认识不少国外相关领域的专家和国内药厂的老板,虽然这些和专业知识的关系不大,但毕竟能给自己积累人脉,为以后可能进军的医药行业打基础。有一次跟着老板陪一对外国教授夫妇吃饭,饭局上问了下北美pharmaceutical industry在经济危机下的表现,此君说除了IT外恐怕也就是这个行业能独善其身了,后来听说IT光景也大不如前,窃喜啊。总之,实习经历让我看到了国内医药行业在不远的将来可能的发展状况,以及面对的一些瓶颈,也有助于我在国外学习有针对性的积累经验吧。
Graduate Courses & Conference
08年6月份在中科院参加了一个会议,会议叫Beijing International Conference on Machine Learning and Data Mining. 除了个别的发言人是做CS的外,大部分都是做statistics的。这个会议对我申请时的专业选择影响巨大啊,因为很多发言人都是超级大牛(比如Jianqing Fan),所以我的目的根本就不是能听懂什么,基本上也就是认识一些大牛,了解他们最近一段时间都在做什么(他们的动向能在一定程度上反映学术界的热门问题),然后就是抓机会套磁。那时候还无法区别牛的种类,所以就挨个的看他们近期的research interests,发现不少都和model selection有关。那时候哪里懂什么叫model selection啊,一直以为和稳健统计量差不多,但为了套磁,只能be crazy and stupid了。因为第一天已经过了,所以只能想办法套后面几天讲的教授,毕竟那样能有相对比较充分的时间了解教授的研究和读他要在会上演讲的内容。选定了model selection之后,就开始选教授,后来定位到了一位在UMN的中国教授,花了一整天时间读了他一篇论文的introduction,还是没太懂他要干嘛,但还是又去了那个会议。到了会场很早就盯上了他,但是他一直和别的faculty在聊天,没有机会插话啊。不过有花要采,没有花种上花也要采。看准了他的座位,在一次break时趁他出去聊天偷偷坐到了他的旁边。后来才发现那个座位正对着空调,开会时我冷得哆哆嗦嗦的还要对着教授微笑着寒暄 “好冷啊~”,他也对我笑笑说是。不过好歹冷风没有白受,跟教授混了个熟脸,当他知道我是个本科生的时候还是相当吃惊的。等到那天下午的会议一结束我就冲出去,拦住他跟他说我读了他的文章,但是就开始讨论什么是model selection,为什么这么多教授都在做model selection,以及那个弱弱的模型选择和稳健统计量的差别,他还是很nice的跟我讲了很多,后来我们就一起往外走,聊了北京这边的统计学界的情况,和美国统计的一些情况,收获当然非常大。直到前几天才发现他居然是The Annals of Statistics的副编辑。Wow, fantastic!这些都是资源啊。当然这次套磁最大的帮助还是让我选定了PhD想要做的方向,那就是model selection——一个源于基因学的统计问题,但抽象到理论后基本是个纯统计的问题,因而这算是为stat准备的经历。
暑假在北大上了一个半参的课程,后来才发现讲课的也是个Annals的副编辑。上课时教授说的就很明确,这课拿到美国也没几个人能听得懂,你们就是留个印象,万一以后会用到。对我个人而言,最大的影响就是让我深刻的明白了原来统计需要如此多的概率理论,这激励我从现在开始恶补我的概率。当然,上课时教授也拿了一篇我未来老板的文章作为选读文献,不过当时我哪里知道那会是我未来的老板啊,于是呢,翘课了,现在无限后悔啊,自己完全看不懂。他后来告诉我他们学校只给fellowship,所以建议我做好自费读书的准备,很现实的一个建议,后来我就没有申他家。不过现在还和那个教授有联系,很nice的一个中国人。
以上的两段差不多是我为申请statistics做的准备,毕竟stat更理论。无论是读文章还是上随机过程的课,都让我在写ps时手中有货多了。比较成功的一个例子是套我未来老板,花了n多天基本看懂了他07年的一篇文章的大意,这让我把之前在biostat中学的survival的东西和model selection的东西结合起来了,这当然很好啦,一是两方面我都有一定的认识,二是结合起来的研究做法也很新颖。这样我写出的ps无论在biostat还是stat都有一些自己见长的东西,跟老板写邮件也能问出一些critical的问题了。
在我们学校上的一些研究生讨论班虽然对以后研究有帮助,但在简历里我只是顺手一提,毕竟感觉这些课程缺乏竞争力。上课的目的也是能和这边写推荐信的老师混熟,让推荐信更有货一点,因而在此略去。
Other
这里单列一个其他是因为我在研究生讨论班Clinical Trials 里面做了两个presentation,这段经历实在不知道放在之前哪个里面合适,就自成一段了。在这里要感谢我的老师Prof. Tong,是他的绝对信任让我有机会和研究生师兄师姐一起讨论统计问题。言归正传,我讲的内容都是meta分析里面的,从它的意义到统计方法再到案例分析,最后写出了可以处理实际数据的程序。一路下来顺了一遍做professional presentation的方法,这当然对于我的申请有很大的好处,毕竟能在graduate seminar上given presentation,至少说明了我有成为graduate student的潜质,而这边的mentor也是信任我的。
当然,机会不会自己从天上掉下来,我也是费了九牛二虎之力才争取到老师的信任的。借此写下来,也算是对自己的无畏和“无耻”的一种纪念吧。这个老师原来给我上过课,不过我给老师留下的印象并不好,或者可以说根本就没有什么印象,以至于我去找他好几次,他都不同意我加入他的项目。不过,作为bebeyondized的无知儿童,我还是不停的去骚扰他,开始时是问他一些关于model selection的问题,后来就和他聊出国和国内发展的利弊,再后来聊期货股票和基金,还有生物统计的前景啊之类的,这个过程中慢慢的知道了他手里有的一些项目,但他不同意我加入。我也质疑过是不是我的培训师的策略不适合我,但后来还是坚持了下去。直到有一次给老师写了一封巨长的邮件,里面列举了我从实习中学到了什么,我对于项目的想法,项目可能用到的统计知识以及我自己的编程能力等,简而言之有两点:1.为什么我qualify for the program,2.为什么项目需要我,附件中还插了一幅有他办公室掠影的照片,可之后又是好几天没有反应。直到有一次再去找他的时候,他居然同意了,哈哈,超级高兴啊。他自己对meta分析也不是非常清楚,就把那个活全部外包给我了,我做完他觉得很满意,因此也就有了机会做presentation。再之后呢,越混越熟,一点点的从谈话中知道了一些他认识的国外牛教授,这显然让我的申请更加有的放矢。我未来的老板据说就曾和他一起喝过酒。
Parts 3. 关于BBY
近一年来BBY陪伴我走过了申请的风雨历程,首先要对所有的BBY培训师说一声,谢谢你们!如果没有你们的指引和鼓励,我很难从绝望中看到希望,再从进步中看到不足。特别是我的培训师ltz姐姐,一个超级可爱但是要求严格的人。还有就是我亲爱的战友们,你们每一点的进步都激励着我不断地超越自我。用Gerrard同学最喜欢的球队队歌来形容一下我们的关系,YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE!
每个初次申请的同学都难免会有迷茫甚至恐慌,BBY的好处是为我制定了一个时间表,让我明白每一个阶段最需要提升的是哪部份。培训师不断地指出我的问题,以及如何去改进这些问题,久而久之自己也能主动的沿着这样的思路来发现问题,解决问题。当然,这样的自我超越绝不轻松,完成BBY作业大概是我暑假期间最难的事情之一,与之并列的是在北大听随机过程。
当然,BBY对我的帮助不仅是影响了我的申请结果,还将一种理念植入了我的思想中,也就是我说的bebeyondized。对于BBY的精神be crazy and stupid我个人有两种翻译,积极点的是无知者无畏,消极点的是很傻很变态,呵呵。经历了申请的洗礼,感觉做事的目标和态度都改变了很多——大胆设想(dream school),细致分析(why am I qualified),精心准备(field research),放下面子去追求(扫楼及其他),还有就是再也不把事情拖到deadline了。21世纪缺的就是敢于做自己和努力做自己的人才啊。